I would love to give 2019 a punch on its way out the door.
Polar vortex. Rained out May. Almost no real summer. Early winter. In short, this has not been a great weather year.
And nationally? Forget about it. The horror show in Washington, D.C. continues to haunt everyone in the country.
So, it is with much anticipation that I look forward to 2020. It’s also a nice round number, so that should mean something good, right? Even if it means nothing, I am holding out hope that 2020 will be a much better and calmer year than 2019.
In fact, I am going to go out on a limb and make a few predictions for 2020. I have no special powers, of course. No matter what you see on the “Long Island Medium,” no one really has the power to see the future or read minds.
That won’t stop me from giving it a shot – so here we go.
* The Chicago Bears will win the NFC North in 2020. This is a lock. You can bet your entire salary and every dime you have put in the college fund you started for your children. Heck, take that rainy-day money you have stashed in the cookie jar and put it on the Bears. Trust me. And by trust me, I mean ignore me, because I really have no idea what I am talking about. But seriously, the Bears in 2020.
* There will be a presidential election in 2020 and someone will win. But it won’t be Donald Trump. No, Trump is going quit the presidency to join the senior PGA tour. He already spends most of his time golfing, so in 2020 Trump is going to leave the hassles and distractions of public office and put his energy into the one thing he really loves – no, not himself, golf. James Comey will be his caddy.
* The first child with a smartphone for a head will be born in Manhattan. We all know it is only a matter of time before this happens.
* The Ogle County Board, which already has more members than most local church congregations, will consider a plan to cut the number of board members down to make it more manageable. Instead, it votes to increase the number of board members to 762. All future meetings will be held at Barnacopia.
* The Blackhawk Statue will be uncovered just in time for it to be covered again in order to fix the problems caused by it spending so much time being covered.
* Bernie Sanders will drop out of the presidential race after discovering the sublime pleasure that is the Golden Corral buffet. Alas, he will be banned by the chain after ranting at a kid in the dessert line about “free pudding for all.” He will last be seen mumbling to himself as he staggers into a KFC to “save” the chickens.
* With recreational marijuana now legal in Illinois, there will be a noticeable increase in the sales of Cheetos and Funyuns. The use of the words, “dude,” “whoa” and “totally” will also skyrocket. The entire state will feel mellowed out and will chuckle uncontrollably at times.
Only time will tell any or all of these come to pass. My bet would be on a solid 0-7 performance by me. But I do hope you all are ready for a great 2020. Couldn’t get any worse, right?
