We all can picture an outdoorsman when we see the word. He is a rugged, bearded guy wearing flannel and has hands so callused that they can’t be penetrated with a broad sword.
When you ask for firewood, he rips a tree out of the ground and throws it over his shoulder. When you need a basic structure, he builds a log cabin. When you are hungry, he takes down a bobcat in a trap of his own construction and makes mead out of berries he finds in the area.
He is tough. He is rough. He is an outdoorsman.
Overstated? Sure, maybe just a bit. But we know the image of the outdoorsman pretty well in this country.
But let’s not forget we also have the indoorsman. He has messy hair, pale skin and squints when he actually has to step outside to retrieve the latest model train he ordered from Amazon. He can’t build a fire, but he can’t take down an army of demons with a spell in his favorite video game.
His hands are soft, but he can work a computer keyboard like no one’s business. He has never killed an animal in the wild, but he can whip up a tofu dish faster than you can say “I love your man-bun!”
A lot of people fall into those two categories, to be sure. And they don’t really know much about the world the other inhabits.
There is, of course, another category. And this is the one where I find myself – in fact, I would bet most men fall into this category.
Can I introduce you to the mid-doorsman?
This is the person who can camp if he has too, but prefers to stay in a hotel that received at least 3 stars on TripAdvisor. He can cut wood, but it will probably be small branches he breaks over his knee and tosses in the fire pit in the well-groomed back yard.
The outdoorsman smells like a mixture of pine needles, sweat and a bear carcass. An indoorsman smells a little like baby powder and a lot like whatever his mom is cooking (Yes, he still lives with his mom even though he is a 30-year-old college graduate who once dated a nice girl named Rebecca who dumped him for his friend Greg because Greg had his own car. It’s complicated).
A mid-doorsman smells like the cologne his wife just bought him mixed with a dash of the mild disappointment of a mid-level manager and the interior of his new Subaru.
Outdoorsmen love to eat huge hunks of meat and a platter of potatoes, washed down with a gallon of beer. And they don’t bother to wipe off their beards when they are done. They just hunker down by the fire and clean their nails with a Bowie knife.
The Indoorsman pretty much eats what his mom/girlfriend/roommate cooked. He also loves Taco Bell and considers it authentic Mexican cuisine.
The mid-doorsman loves to grill on the $1,500 gas monstrosity in his back yard. He generally burns everything he grills, but at least he is outside. He prefers to sip an IPA or chardonnay with his meal.
So, while the outdoorsman is the classic American icon, he is just one variety of male in this country. Sure, he can beat the other ones up, but he also has the best chance of getting Lyme Disease or being bitten by a snake.
The worst that can happen to me is a paper cut. But have you ever had a bad paper cut? It’s not fun, let me tell you.
