Taco Bell is a very fickle mistress.
Just when you get used to something on the menu, when you start to crave something on the menu, when you absolutely can’t do without something on the menu BAM! Taco Bell gets rid of it.
Gone. Poof. Adios.
Sure, I understand that Taco Bell is to Mexican food what I am to mathematics (hint: I can barely add). But “The Bell” is a not-so-Mexican American tradition. It is a place that offers the best comfort food after bar time.
Well, at least until you wake up with heartburn.
Look, I don’t know what kind of meat is in those tacos. And no, I am not certain that cheese has any dairy product in it at all. I am pretty sure the lettuce is grown in a lab, and the hot sauce is probably made out of the tears of pharmaceutical company lobbyists.
But I love Taco Bell.
That said, it has broken my heart multiple times through the years. I remember back in the 1970s riding shotgun with my brother Jeff in his green VW Bug as we pulled up to Taco Bell to order our beloved Bell Burger. The Bell Burger was basically a taco on a hamburger bun, but we adored that thing.
So what did Taco Bell do? Discontinued it. Besides my eighth-grade girlfriend dumping me not long before the Yuma County Fair, this was one of the great tragedies of the 70s in my life.
I made the switch to the enchirito, which was The Bell’s version of an enchilada. I scarfed down many an enchirito before Taco Bell tossed it the on the garbage pile of former menu items.
Thankfully, the enchirito eventually made a comeback. My acid reflux and I rejoiced. Sadly, it was once again stolen from my hungry jaws when Taco Bell again discontinued it.
I think I shed a tear or two with that one.
My lovely pintos and cheese? Also gone. Taco salad? See ya. I am glad to say that tacos are still on the menu, but for how long?
So when Taco Bell recently announced that it was dropping a whopping seven – seven! – items from its menu, I was prepared for the tacogeddon. This was clearly a harbinger of the end times. This was certain to be the St. Taco Day massacre.
I Googled the list of items to be dropped with dread. Through tear-soaked eyes, I started to go down the list, waiting for the fantastic Mexican Pizza (which is not really Mexican or pizza) to be on the list.
To my surprise, Taco Bell was actually just dropping all of the dregs from its menu. 7-layer burrito? Buh bye! Spicy potato soft taco? I’ve never even heard of you! Mini skillet bowl? Get off the menu!
I was so thrilled that I did a victory lap around the living room. I only did one because I got so winded from all of the weight I have gained from eating Taco Bell during the pandemic that I had to fall onto the couch and catch my breath.
Were there tears of joy? I won’t say no. Did I celebrate with a trip to Taco Bell? You can bet your sweet chalupa I did.