TV commercials say some strange things about us

While the DVR has made watching television a better experience, we still can’t avoid all of those annoying commercials.

Sure, some are cute (“Dilly, dilly!”), but many are just painfully dumb. Sorry, but I don’t need inanimate products telling me to buy them.

I was watching some mind-numbing commercials the other day and it really made me take a hard look at us as a society. If the only thing you knew about life in America in 2017 was what you got by watching our commercials, you would think some very strange things.

For example, it appears that pretty much all men are helpless morons. OK, maybe we are at times, but in TV commercials men are completely useless. They can’t cook. They can’t shop. They can’t use any household appliance. They have no idea at all how to care for the kids. They are insensitive dolts who appear to be lucky to even be alive.

Women, on the other hand, apparently love to dance. A lot. Like all the time. Dusting? Dancing! Vacuuming? Dancing? Ordering something online? Dancing!

And I’m sorry, but I have never seen anyone get super excited about a new cleaning product. Why oversell that so hard in commercials? People don’t smile and nod their head vigorously when they get a new toilet cleaner.

I’m not sure why advertising executives seem to think we want our food to appear to be alive – even the food that is clearly not alive. Dancing veggies are a staple of advertising, for some reason. Do I need to see celery do the Macarena? I do not.

And I have never opened my refrigerator and seen a bottle of Ensure doing the Hustle. In fact, I have never opened my refrigerator and seen a bottle of Ensure.

Let’s talk about toilet paper. Actually, let’s not. We all know we need it. We all buy it. I don’t need dancing bears shaking their booties to sell me a product that basically changed the world. And I certainly don’t need a woman with an English accent doing man-on-the-street interviews talking about “bums” to sell toilet paper. Just stop.

Celebrities are also big in the commercial game. He couldn’t sink a free throw during his career, but Shaquille O’Neal can sure drive around in a tiny cartoon car with a fictional military character selling insurance with the best of them.

And what’s the deal with Matthew McConaughey and those Cadillac commercials? Are they supposed to make me want to buy a super expensive vehicle, or jump off of a building because I will never be as cool and handsome as Matthew McConaughey? I really want to know, because I am certainly not buying the vehicle.

Don’t forget Jennifer Aniston selling “Smartwater” to the masses. I am not really sure what Smartwater is, but I do know that if you don’t ever drink water you are not smart.

It is also clear to me that anyone over the age of 40 does not count anymore. Commercials are filled with young people (unless you are watching CNN or Fox News, of course. Then it is people trying to sell you gold and medical devices).

I have had to accept the reality that I am pretty much no one’s target demographic. So, if you need me, I’ll be at the fridge trying to corral some restless vegetables.