Feel free to leave crazy kids at home


Thank you, Japan Airlines.

No, I have never flown Japan Airlines. No, I have never been to Japan. I probably won’t in the future, either. That is a very, very long flight.

But if I was going to fly to Japan, I would use japan Airlines because of one thing: When picking out seats, the airline lets you see where people traveling with babies are sitting so you can avoid sitting near them.


I don’t hate children. I had a couple. But honestly, I like them better as adults. They listen, are pleasant, take an interest in things that aren’t themselves, don’t poop in their pants. You know, the basics.

When my kids were little, they were like a lot of kids. They ran around a lot. They cried and threw fits. In general, they annoyed their parents and pretty much everyone around them (except for their grandparents. For some reason, grandparents are immune to misbehaving grandkids.)

My wife and I will wait for a table in a restaurant if the only one available is near kids. Why? Because parents these days don’t know how to tell their little tykes to knock it off.

I read a recent letter to an advice columnist where a parent was angry because a waitress told little 4-year-old Johnny to go sit down after his parents let him “explore” the restaurant while they ate. The dad got mad at the waitress and gave her a tiny tip. He even complained to her boss.

This is why fewer people are having kids these days, and why those having kids are not having as many and why people are losing patience in a world where parents seem to think it is fine to let their kids run riot.

Well, it is not OK. In fact, it is very, very bad. Telling your kid “no” is perfectly fine, young parents. Sure, your kids will pout and whine and have a mini meltdown. It’s called being a kid. And setting boundaries is called being a parent.

Pro parenting tip: You don’t have to give your kids everything they want. In fact, if you do give your kids everything they want, chances are they will grow up to be entitled brats. So please, learn to say “no.”

And if your kid is prone to run around, not sit still and cry loudly when told to do so, feel free to not take them out to dinner, or to a movie theater, or on a long flight.

Look, the rest of us should not have to suffer for your lack of parenting.

I understand that parents of young children want to go out to dinner sometimes. No problem. If you do and bring your kids, teach them how to behave. If they can’t, don’t bring them. I certainly don’t want to go out to a dinner with my wife and have to put up with your little darling running around, or jumping up and down in the booth behind me.

I did not go out to eat much for years when I had young kids. I tried to be thoughtful of those around us, and often we just stayed at home until my children were old enough to behave well in public consistently.

What a concept, eh?