A COVID hair experiment gone wrong


The great hair experiment is over. Done. Finished.

Lockdown has changed a lot of things for all of us. Eating at home more than ever for sure. Also, doing smaller loads of laundry because those sweatpants are good for a week. And we have all learned to either accept or simply keep quiet about the habits of the loved ones we live with. This has certainly taught us patience.

I also decided sometime last year that I was going to take one final run at growing my hair. Why not? Sure, I still go out and do interviews and see people, but not every day. I don’t have to drive into the office and force my mop on unsuspecting people who are simply trying to get through the day.

OK, I do that to my wife, but I believe we have a contract that says she has to deal with it.

So instead of getting my hair cut every three weeks I just stopped getting it cut. My hair grows surprisingly fast, so it did not take long before I started to see some results.

Here is the thing – I have always been pretty hair-centric. I had the typical long hair in the late 70s and until I graduated in 1981. The military took care of that for four years, but after I got out, I grew it again. For years I had many different styles, but I always had a style. I never didn’t care about my hair.

I would say the last time I let it grow was probably 1990, in college at Northern Arizona University. I am not sure I got a haircut that year at all.

By 2000, I had short, spiky hair and I kept it like that for a long time – probably too long.

A few years ago, I noticed that the crown of my head was not exactly sporting a full crop of hair. Sadly, my always thin hair was abandoning ship at the crown. I contacted a witch doctor and tried a few spells, but nothing seemed to work.

I did the only thing I could – after falling to my knees and screaming “WHY ME?”! to the sky a few times – I changed my hair style.

I grew it longer on top and combed it back but kept the sides short. That changed during lockdown when I decided to go all in on length.

While I will say I gave it a good try, I was losing the battle. Yes, my hair was growing. The top was longer, the back was longer and the sides were much longer.

But it was driving me crazy. My simple morning routine had turned into a nightmare of hair products, blow dryers and hair spray. And no matter what, it still looked, well, bad.

My wife, bless her heart, did the best she could do during this time. And the best she could do was to say nothing, which I know was hard for her. The few times I asked her opinion and she gently gave it, I acted like a toddler melting down at Target.

I went to my trusty stylist last week and said give me the old cut back, and that is what she did. It is still long on top – probably too long if you ask my wife, but the sides are buzzed and I feel much better about myself.

I have decided to focus on something new. In 2021, I am going to run a marathon. Considering I can already walk from the couch to the refrigerator without getting too winded, this should be a raging success.